And if you break the rules, there will be consequences.” Focus on Your Stepchild’s Behavior, Not Their ThoughtsĪs long as your stepchild complies with your rules, don’t worry if they seem a bit resentful that you’re their authority. But I am one of the parents in this household responsible for you, and you are obligated to follow the household rules. Ineffective parent response: “You’ll do what I say anyway!”Įffective parent response: “I am not your mother. Translation: I don’t have to listen to you you have no control over me. They don’t have to call them Mom or Dad unless they want to, but they must be respectful and follow the rules. Instead, restate your role and the rules. The child is inviting you to a fight decline the invitation. The whole idea here is to avoid a power struggle. Focus on your role as the parent and calmly remind the child what the rules are in your home. When a child says, “You’re not my mom or dad,” what they’re trying to do is take your power away. We’re talking about when you’re going to start your homework.” “We’re not talking about me being your father. “No, I’m not your mother, but you have to do your homework anyway.” If one of your stepkids says, “You’re not my mom I don’t have to do what you say!” You can say: You and your partner need to present a unified front when explaining this to your kids. In other words, there should be no tolerance for defiance and disrespect.
For example, the kids in the family should know that if they disrespect their stepmother or stepfather, they will lose their electronics privileges for the rest of the night. The consequences for defiance should be clear and consistently enforced. And set the expectation that you both will enforce the rules the same. Have this meeting together with your partner and all the children. “You don’t have to call me Mom, but you must be respectful and follow my directions.” I also recommend that parents tell their stepkids from the beginning: “And these are the expectations on every child.”
“In our family now, both of us are the parents.” If you haven’t done so already, sit down with the kids in your blended family and explain the ground rules.
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